Abbott’s miracle cure.
“Coal is good for humanity and will, along with wishful thinking and the forced toiling of the unemployed, be the world’s main energy source for decades to come.”
“Coal is good for the environment — and by environment, I specifically mean the big mining companies, which are part of the environment.”
“Coal is essential for the prosperity of the world, unless you’re from one of those wussy countries that have passed legislation to help build a solid renewable energies industry, in which case you probably don’t need it. But Australia is not wussy and we do.”
Environmental groups have called Mr Abbott’s comments reckless and uninformed, suggesting that they give a misleading view of coal and its appropriate role in the future of the Australian economy.
Despite the fact that many consumers of Australian coal, most notably China, are now turning to renewable alternatives, Mr Abbott put forth a bullish view of the industry’s value to the nation.
“People tend to demonise carbon but carbon is good. Diamonds are made of carbon. If we have more carbon, we have more diamonds, then everyone can be rich and afford to drive cars of their own. This creates even more carbon and the cycle continues.”
“Not only that but inhaling coal dust has the effect of cleansing the brain and focusing the mind, allowing one to see the evidence of climate change for what it obviously is: a highly organised, worldwide conspiracy of evil scientists who rely on peddling fairy tales to maintain their immense incomes and rock star lifestyles.”
“And if, by some bizarre twist of fate, climate change is real, we’ll make mountains out of our pure Australian coal, rise above the oceans and build new cities atop those mountains, better and brighter than before.”
“It’s what I call a win-win-win-win situation. Everyone comes out on top.”
“And by everyone, I specifically mean big mining companies, which are part of the everyone.”
