Liberal Times

We Live in Liberal Times

  • Home
  • A Fistful of Dollars
  • In the Media
  • In Session
  • Musical Chairs
  • Socially Equitable

Young To Absorb Nutrients From Air

24 May 2014 By Reg Moreton

Kevin Andrews: There are options

Kevin Andrews: There are options

Young unemployed people facing the prospect of receiving no dole for six months should simply learn to absorb nutrients from the air, according to Social Services Minister Kevin Andrews.

“Evolution does give them that option.”

It was revealed as part of the recent federal budget that from 2015, people up to 30 years old will have to wait six months for an unemployment benefit.

Mr Andrews, who, according to his Facebook profile, kicks puppies for pleasure, stated that the best way to avoid unemployment was to get a job.

“I have personally known a few people who were unemployed; then they got a job and they weren’t unemployed any more. Problem solved.”

When it was pointed out that some people would undoubtedly find hardship under such a plan, Mr Andrews suggested that they could “suck it”.

Mr Andrews said that people should not hold out for their “dream job” but should do anything that might be available, such as sweeping chimneys, carting night soil, or being a lamplighter or bowling alley pinsetter. Mr Andrews also pointed out that his shoes could do with a shine.

Related Articles

Hockey Discovers Quantum Economics

Schools To Replace Counsellors With Clowns

Séances To Recover Interest Debts From Departed Students

Libs to Raise Profile of Opposite Day

Pyne Offered Guest Conductorship at ASO

St Ives Resident, 68, Is New Australian Classification Board

Abbott Touts Big Future of Australian Coal

Frances Abbott Salad "Not Salady Enough"

Manus Report Recommends Less Beating

Frances Abbott Pony May Have Been Gift

Daily Telegraph: We Hate People

Abbott Awards Knighthood to Pope

What the…?

While these articles may contain genuine quotes and facts, they are still only political satire, so don't lose hope yet.  Find out more about the Liberal Times here.

ADVERTISEMENT

Find Us on Facebook

Liberal Times

Receive articles via email

Recent Articles

Government Announces -5% Emissions Reduction Target

15 July 2015

Abbott Goes Nuclear in War on Error

11 July 2015

Government to Stop Piracy by Blocking Entire Internet

23 June 2015

Hockey Encourages Youth to Create Paradoxes

14 June 2015

Abbott Cops to Good Government/Bad Government Ploy

11 February 2015

PM Rejects Ice Bucket Leadership Challenge

3 February 2015

Copyright © 2026 · Content by Reg Moreton, a true blue, fair dunkum Aussie bloke (strewth)   ·   Website by Inveress