Under radical new plans announced by the Liberal party today, séances will be used to recover new student loan interest debts from the dead. The movement is being led by Minister for Education (and now Debtfinder Pursuivant) Christopher Pyne.
Schools To Replace Counsellors With Clowns
Tony Abbott confirmed today that under the provisions of the recent federal budget, schools would have the option of hiring a clown to cheer students up but would not have the option to hire any other sort of counsellor or youth worker. “There is a crisis in today’s youth,” Abbott stated, “and I believe this can only be solved with laughter.”